So everyone knows this little guy from finding nemo, right?
Remember when nemo first met him, and he said:
“See this tentacle? It’s actually shorter than all my other tentacles, but you can’t really tell.”
And in octopuses, one of their tentacles is actually their penis, and is structured slightly differently from the rest of their tentacles.
Pearl was showing off his dick.
i thought that was a chick
200% sure that all of my friend have secret meetings where they just talk about how annoying I am
Last night I got up at 3 am to feed my cat. So I picked him up, noticed he was purring loudly, and thought in all seriousness:
"Very cat. Much purrs."
…then realized I may or may not spend too much time on this fucking website.
As your husband I feel I should inform you that you said that out loud.
OH MY GOD THAT’S EVEN WORSE
WAIT THERE ARW MARRIED COUPLES ON THIS WEBSITE!?
all i’ve done in 2013 was become more gay
My dad accidentally told my sister she was an accident and she was like “ok but next time you’re angry at me just remember it’s your own fault because you didn’t wear a condom”
1. Contrary to popular belief, waking up early isn’t going to drastically alter your life or effect how you’re feeling. So sleep till noon and relish in the way laying in bed all day makes you feel a little more human.
2. Drinking your coffee ‘black’ doesn’t make you cooler or more sophisticated than the rest of us who load in milk and sugar.
3. Being unimpressed by everything makes you look like a twat. Get excited, be overly passionate about something. Enthusiasm is fun.
4. Hating yourself isn’t romantic.
5. Eat whatever you want. your friend’s a vegan? Awesome. Listen to her talk about how great she feels because of it while you tuck in to some chocolate cake. Tell her you feel just as great.
More Reminders- Charlotte Geier (via koyot-e)
i find it interesting that when it comes to liking girls I’m just like GIRLS ALL GIRLS YES PERFECT GIRLS but with boys i’m like you must fit criteria 1-9 but 9 is optional only if you completely fill criteria 10-13 with a non-optional essay on 21st century sexism due by 5am
*panics and procrastinates simultaneously*
Still learning how to cat. It’s a slow process.
so today it snowed for the first time this year and ive naturally been online all day and didnt know so i went to take out the garbage in bare feet and stepped in an inch snow and i just yelled "what the fUCK" and i just heard my neighbour in his backyard go “oh my god she’s outside”
he keeps coming back…
the other day we were discussing dating and this one dude was like “I don’t see the big deal why can’t people just ask people out without all the fuss” and another guy was like “well you get nervous and you get butterflies in your stomach ya know” and the first dude looked the other dude straight in the eye and said “DIGEST THEM.”